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Playlist: I’ve got a crush on you

Originally published on lesbian.com

Having a crush is enough to make your head spin. You overthink everything. You spend a lot of time wondering if they like you, too. You agonize over every text, retyping it at least three times before you send it. That’s after putting more thought into one tiny message than Thomas Jefferson put into writing the Declaration of Independence.

You daydream about your crush, you annoy your friends talking about her, you’ve even nicknamed her for ease of reference (Sorry! Not sorry!). Every time your phone makes a noise, you freak out because it might be her.

Somewhere in the middle of these very real, sometimes ridiculous emotions, music falls into the mix. Every sappy song suddenly becomes about her, even the cheesy pop songs (cue big sigh). Below are eight songs currently on my own crush playlist.

Colbie Caillat, “Fallin’ for You”
This song had to make the list. You really like someone, but making yourself vulnerable is a scary thing and sometimes makes you a little crazy. Let all those feelings out and take that leap of faith. Tell your crush how you feel!

“I am tryin’ not to tell you, but I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hidin’ what I’m feelin’
But I’m tired of holdin’ this inside my head”

Katie Costello, “Cassette Tape”
Getting to know someone you like can be fun. You learn about her likes, her dislikes, and what makes her tick. But it can also be a little nerve wracking and sometimes, feels like it might be easier to just lay it all out at once.

“I wish there was a social excuse to make you a cassette tape
I’d teach you all about my life from side B to side A
Fast forward, rewind. Whenever or never mind”

Doria Roberts, “Perfect”
Everything in the beginning of a new relationship is perfect. Everything reminds you of your crush and you want everything to stay how it is right now.

“I’ve been thinking about you all night
A warm bed and a cozy fire
You put you arms around me and lift my head
And when you kiss me baby oh yeah…”

Meghan Tonjes, “Be in Want”
This song is all about that awkward stage when you’re in a state of being in want. It’s not love, it’s not lust, it’s that middle ground. You think about the other person all the time and you want her close but it makes you vulnerable and that is a scary place to be.

“And I don’t think you understand how much I want to hold you hand
And how that scares me more than anything I know
It’s getting hard to breathe, hard to be here alone without you
And every part of me is crying out
Oh you know I want you”

Tove Lo, “Paradise”
Butterflies are one of the best parts of a new crush. They’re fluttering around all the time when you see or talk to her. Sometimes they flutter about a little too much, but it’s still one of the best feelings ever.

“Being with you, my natural high
Still got every single butterfly
Just what they all wish that they had
So intense, it’s driving me mad”

Sara Bareilles, “I Choose You”
This song is sweet. Maybe you’ve gotten it all wrong before, but with this one, you see all the possibilities and are happy in the hope that maybe this time, you will get it right.

“I’ll unfold before you
What I’ve strung together
The very first words
Of a lifelong love letter”

Melissa Ferrick, “Will You Be The One”
All the uncertainty swirls around in your brain. Could this really be it? Will this be the one you’ve been looking for?

“Will you be the one I’ve wanted
Will you read my mind
Will you ask me where I hurt
and heal me with your eyes
Will I look at you with wonder
and never doubt our love
Yeah, could you be the one
that I’ve been dreaming of”

Tegan and Sara, “Closer”
That feeling of a new crush when everything is fresh and exciting and you’re trying to take things slow, but all you really want to do is jump in head first. You just want to be close to her and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to accomplish that.

“All I want to get is a little bit closer
All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?
Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer
Here comes the rush before we touch, come a little closer”

What songs would be on your crush playlist? Tell us in the comments!

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Top 10 Tegan and Sara Tunes

Top 10 Tegan and Sara Tunes

Originally published on lesbian.com.

http://www.lesbian.com/top-10-tegan-and-sara-tunes/

Since the first time I heard Tegan and Sara back in 2001, their music has always had a place in the soundtrack of my life. Their songs are emotional and sometimes full of angst, but always have an infectious melody and hook. I go through phases with music where I listen to one artist obsessively, sometimes for weeks. Lately, Tegan and Sara has been my go to. Recently, a friend asked me about my favorite songs and it was very hard to narrow down, so I decided to make a top 10 list.

10. Hell (Sainthood, 2009)
Tegan Quin has said that she wrote this song about her neighborhood in Vancouver, which the Vancouver Sun called “Four Blocks of Hell.” It also has a theme of unrequited love about a girl that she eventually got. The melody gets stuck in my head and won’t let go. This song is great when you need the perfect loud, angsty song tinged with aggression.

9. My Number (This Business of Art, 2000)
The angst of wanting to give yourself completely to another, but wanting to make sure they aren’t going to break you is the primary theme of this song. Just give them your number and worry about the consequences later! You’ll never know if you don’t make that leap of faith is the song’s advice.

8. How Come You Don’t Want Me (Heartthrob, 2013)
After getting the number, eventually there’s a break-up in so many cases. This is a song about the end of a relationship. Tegan and Sara write about matters of the heart and breakups a lot. This song can fit into many people’s lives. Sometimes, it stings when you see your ex with their new girlfriend and you think, “You left me for that? Are you serious?” I highly recommend pairing this listening with the Lesbian Breakup Cocktail *.

1.5 Sweet Tea Vodka (because all lesbians drink tea)
3 Unsweetened cranberry juice (for bitterness and the UTI)
Salt rim (for the salty, salty tears)
On the rocks (just like the relationship)

7. This is Everything (Under Feet Like Ours, 1999)
This song is about giving yourself completely to someone, about putting everything you have into the relationship, and it not being reciprocated. Loving someone can make you very vulnerable, and sometimes you can suffer. Ultimately, she just wants to love “without aching”. Don’t we all?

6. You Wouldn’t Like Me (So Jealous, 2004)
For me, this song is all about self-doubt and being afraid to show someone the real you. Maybe you lost yourself in your last relationship, maybe your heart was broken. In order to love again, you need to move past this and learn to trust someone else.

5. I Know I Know I Know (So Jealous, 2004)
This is a song about emotional distance. It’s a song about two people who love each other, but their love is fading. You don’t want to give up, so you try to hang on and work things out. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t.

4. Back In Your Head (The Con, 2007)
This song is all too familiar for me. It’s about getting too comfortable and complacent in a relationship. It’s about wanting to get that passionate love back that was there in the beginning and not being able to. (see song No. 8)

3. Call It Off (The Con, 2007)
The relationship is not working. You’re miserable and you decide to break it off to save yourself. You know it’s the right thing to do, but you start second guessing and wondering if it’s the right thing. We’ve all been there.

2. Nineteen (The Con, 2007)
This song is about many things. It is about being young and in love, and all the agony that goes along with that. It is a song about heartbreak and distance. When you’re 19, everything seems so big. Every emotion is taken to an all new level and this song is a perfect mix of angst and heartbreak. It is completely relatable.

1. Closer (Heartthrob, 2013)
This song is pure pop perfection. It’s all about you and your crush taking it to the next level and making that jump to getting physical. Just grab her and get closer already!

What songs would be in your top 10? Tell us below in the comments!

*Lesbian Breakup Cocktail courtesy of Dreidl.

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Rubyfruit-385

Rubyfruit-385

Gossip- Standing In the Way of Control
Honeyblood- Killer Bangs
Brody Dalle- Rat Race
Hunter Valentine- The Stalker
Jasper- Whine-O
Sleater-Kinney- Dig Me Out
50 Foot Wave- Vena Cava

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Rubyfruit-384

Rubyfruit-384

Sharon Van Etten- Afraid of Nothing
Honeyblood- Super Rat
Courtney Barnett- Are You Looking After Yourself
Sharon Van Etten- Every Time the Sun Comes Up
PHOX- Slow Motion
Rubblebucket- Came Out Of A Lady
Tegan and Sara- Goodbye, Goodbye

Sharon Van Etten’s new album is amazing. It’s only 6.99 on Amazon.

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Breakup Playlist: Songs to get you through

Music is powerful. It can evoke emotional responses, taking you right back to happy times and sad times and all the times in-between. It can also help you get through hard things, like breakups. Breakups are terrible. You cry, you don’t eat, you don’t sleep, and you’re generally miserable. Songs about breakups don’t make it hurt less; in fact, sometimes, they just make you cry more. But sometimes, that is exactly what you need to process the whole thing.

These are some of the songs that have helped me through my recent breakup. If you’re going through something similar, or if you just need a good cry, this is the playlist for you.

Allison Weiss- “I Had To Do It”: This song sums things up for me. I loved her, and I initiated the breakup. Even though I know it’s for the best, it still sucks.

It’s selfish and I’m sorry,
But you know I had to do it
And I’ll miss you every second,
But you know it’s for the best.

If my weary heart were well enough
I’d stay and let you keep it
But to know you is to love you
And I don’t want to love you anymore.

There are other songs from Allison Weiss that are good breakup songs, especially ones from her album “Say What you Mean,” which has become my personal soundtrack these last few weeks. Oddly, most of them are really upbeat in tempo, but often really, really sad.

Ani DiFranco- “Untouchable Face”: This song doubles as a classic breakup song, or a song about unrequited love. The chorus can fit into most breakups when you reach the point of being mad. Sometimes, all you want to do is tell the other person “fuck you.”

So fuck you
And your untouchable face
And fuck you
For existing in the first place
And who am I
That I should be vying for your touch
And who am I
I bet you can’t even tell me that much.

Ani’s song “As Is” is another great angry breakup song. Though if the lyrics fit your ex to a T, I’m so, so sorry, and you’re better off without her, trust me.

What bugs me
Is that you believe what you’re saying
What bothers me
Is that you don’t know how you feel
What scares me
Is that while you’re telling me stories
You actually
Believe that they are real.

Jenny Owen Youngs- “Fuck Was I”: At some stages of a breakup, you look back and are grateful for the good times. At other stages, however, you regret the whole thing, from beginning to end, and wonder why you ever fell for someone who would end up causing you so much pain. This is a song for those “What the fuck was I thinking?” moments.

Love grows in me like a tumor,
Parasites bent on devouring its host.
I’m developing my sense of humor,
Til I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
Til I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.

Christina Perri- “Jar of Hearts”: Another song for angry-at-the-ex moments, particularly for those times when you feel you have been used and are just another heart in a jar.

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Tegan and Sara- “Call It Off”- Anger is a key component to any breakup, but let’s be honest here – you also miss her, sometimes more than you ever thought possible. You start to wonder if you made the right decision in ending things, but she won’t talk to you, or maybe she’s already moved on to the next person, and you just feel bad and sad. Then you remember all the red flags, broken promises, and why you’re better off without her.

But now we’ll never know
I won’t be sad
But in case
I’ll go there
Everyday,
To make myself feel bad
There’s a chance
I’ll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do

A Fine Frenzy- “Almost Lover”: This song is heartbreaking. For me, it’s about being led on. It’s about someone giving you false hope and all the “what ifs”. You make big plans for a future for the two of you, that never happened, and now they never will. You can’t see your life without her right next to you. Then you open your eyes and see that those dreams were never going to happen anyway.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Melissa Etheridge- “I’m The Only One”: You try to be everything for this person, you’d do anything for her. And it still wasn’t enough. Melissa has a few things to say about this.

But I’m the only one
Who’ll walk across the fire for you
And I’m the only one
Who’ll drown in my desire for you
It’s only fear that makes you run
The demons that you’re hiding from
When all your promises are gone
I’m the only one

Robyn- “Dancing on My Own”: Whether you left her or she left you, it always hurts to see the one you love with another woman, while you’re on your own. It takes energy to remind yourself that it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who acts like you don’t matter.

I’m in the corner
Watching you kiss her
I’m giving it my all
But I’m not the girl you’re taking home
I keep dancing on my own.

Katie Todd – “Leave”: The excuses. Other people. The deceit. It’s exhausting and sometimes, you just need to leave and do what’s best for yourself, regardless of how much you loved that person and much it now hurts to say goodbye.

Necessary actions taken only so you’ll land on your feet.
And consequences with an action, overthrown in this distraction, please.
And even when the stars align there’s always something caught in your teeth.
This and that it’s always something with you, I’ve run out of steam.

Adele- “Rolling In the Deep”: What breakup playlist would be complete without a song from Adele? This song is an angry song. You’ve been wronged and you’re mad as hell and bent on revenge. But the song is also a contrast between the relationship’s potential and it’s reality. Your ex was perfectly capable of giving you everything you needed, but for whatever reason, just didn’t.

There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it’s bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your shit bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

Breaking up is never easy, regardless of the circumstances, but hopefully, you can learn from your mistakes and grow as a person and come out better in the end. Music will be there to help get you through the rough times.

Originally published on lesbian.com

http://www.lesbian.com/heartbroken-heres-your-soundtrack/

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Rubyfruit-383 Breakup Songs

Rubyfruit-383  Breakup Songs

Music can help through bad times. This playlist has a lot of sad songs, with a few angry songs in the middle. Going through a breakup is never fun.
If you’re going through something similar, I hope this playlist helps you. Be sad, then find your mad, then move on.

Allison Weiss- I Had To Do It
Ani DiFranco- Untouchable Face
Sarah Blackwood, Jenni Pleau, and Emily Bones- Wrecking Ball
Allison Weiss- How To Be Alone
Gossip- Yr Mangled Heart
Melissa Ferrick- Some Kinda Nerve
Sleater-Kinney- One More Hour
Tegan and Sara- Call It Off
Sinead O’Connor- The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance
Allison Weiss- Nothing Left
Tegan and Sara- Nineteen
Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts
Allison Weiss- I’ll Be Okay
A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover
Allison Weiss- Making It Up
ZZ Ward- Last Love Song
Jenny Owen Youngs- Fuck Was I
Melissa Etheridge- I’m The Only One
Robyn- Dancing on My Own

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Kristen Ford Q&A

Kristen Ford Q&A

I interviewed Kristen Ford for Lesbian.com recently.

http://www.lesbian.com/dont-fence-in-musician-kristen-ford/

Kristen Ford knows no genre. Her new album DINOSAUR is an intelligent collection of songs encompassing reggae to pop to country to folk and everything in between. Recently, she took time to discuss DINOSAUR, her influences, and her upcoming tour.

Who are your musical influences? Perhaps I’ll move chronologically, as there are so many great artists it’s hard to choose! Blink 182 was the first band I fell in love with- music blasting, jumping around the room singing along with air guitar. I bought an electric later that year and started playing. At an Ani Difranco concert when I was 15 or 16, I decided this was what I wanted to do for a living. She just had the whole audience in the palm of her hand- such power with a voice and an acoustic instrument. One woman. I had never experienced such a feeling. Radiohead creates sonic textures and feelings I feel are unmatched anywhere. I do enjoy Phoenix. Audrey Ryan is a local Boston hero, a mentor and friend of mine. Recently I discovered The Oh Hellos and Typhoon. I dig them both. Oh and the Beatles! They need some press bad.

Who would be a dream songwriter/band to collaborate with or tour alongside? I would just die to open for Ani Difranco on a tour. I would love to have something produced or co-written by Jon Brion. It would be fun to do some co-writing with Kasey Musgraves, she’s really taking country music in a new direction.

How would you describe your music? Indie Rock. Everyone seems to think I can’t pick a genre, which is true. I really love country, disco, EDM, folk, hip hop, reggae, distortion and rock n roll. I can’t stand it when a band launches into their live set and the first 2 songs sound exactly like all the other songs. I always want variety and to push the envelope musically in terms of what I can comprehend and what we can play as a band. For example “El Camino” on the new album, we worked with Auto-Tune very obviously in the verses- sort of a nod to 2014 pop songs and hip hop today. On “Internet”, we wanted to make an electronic dance tune- working with live instruments and creating loops, with super polished modern Tegan and Sara style harmonies. It was all very fresh and challenging. That’s why I play music, to be a child again and create and make mistakes and find the joy in it all.

What is your creative process like for songwriting? Usually it just pours out of me. I’ve got a moment and some space and the words and music happen with the guitar in my hand. Sometimes I’m on my bike and have to pull over and sing into my phone and record the melody and try to piece it together with accompaniment later. I’ve also played with the same band for the past couple of years. They are very helpful. I’ll bring them a verse and a chorus and they’ll help with tempos or finding a good way to get from section to section. I have to trust them when they say “ this is just like another song you wrote”, and they have to trust me when I say “No, give me this feeling” or “Make it faster, dance bitches!”.

What inspires your songs? Life. I see so much in the world I want to talk about, I want to change, I want to understand. I also know you can’t make anyone do anything they don’t decide on their own. When you call someone a faggot or say the N word, as a bi-racial lesbian, I’m very offended! Just saying “Hey!” doesn’t do anything. But you’ve got a song like “Zeda” that I wrote, and I’ve heard people tell me it’s made them cry or feel very intensely. That’s the power of music. I’m also inspired by my life, at my own ability to make a complete mess of things, and not see it coming. Music is my way to release and see myself out of it.

Is there a lyrical theme that tied DINOSAUR together? I would say DINOSAUR is about my journey to Wyoming and back last year. I learned so much and got out of my comfort zone…my little Boston hipster, liberal bubble. It’s about falling in love and struggling to make your living and learning to laugh through it as you make your way in this world.

How does DINOSAUR differ from The Grindstone? DINOSAUR was a very different project from the Grindstone. I’m older now, with at least 400 more shows under my belt. I worked with Producer Jesse Ciarmataro on DINOSAUR, where The Grindstone was self produced. The Grindstone was made in a homemade studio, mixed in LA where I made edits across the country, and on a fraction of the budget we had on DINOSAUR. I felt the funds we had raised through a grant and Kickstarter donations, made it possible for me to work in the studio of my dreams, be very involved in the mixing process, and work with great people every step of the way. I hope this will be the project to put me on the map in a bigger way. I’m very proud of it, proud enough to move into a van, quit my 3 jobs and tour full time to promote it.

A lot of indie artists are opposed to giving away music for free, but you’ve given away entire albums. What is your reasoning for giving it away? I may be changing the free music format soon, at least on the new stuff. However, less and less people are paying for media. TV shows, music… you can find it for free. If you stream my music on Spotify, I need 1,000,000 streams to get $400. So far I think I’ve been paid 30 cents over the past couple years from Spotify. If you rip it from YouTube the sound quality will be terrible. I’d rather you download off of Bandcamp free of charge, share your email address, then we can connect on a tour, or on my next crowdfunding campaign. I would rather gain a fan and lose out on a couple of dollars on an album that’s already paid for, than hoard an album and have no one hear it.

What is your favorite song to perform? Why? I like “Ah Ooh Ooh” because it’s so fun and dancey. At Northampton Pride we had a sign language interpreter, and it was fun watching the sign for “Ah ooh Ooh” which is a made up sound.

What is coming up for the remainder of 2014? Living in a van, touring the country. Notably I’ll be playing on the mainstage at National Women’s Music Festival in Wisconsin on June 26th. I’ll be experiencing Michigan Womyn’s Festival as sound crew, which should be a trip. Then we’re headed back to the dude ranch in Wyoming. This should be a busy summer and super fun fall. If the van is still running, we plan to head to the south and west coast in early 2015. You can follow the travels of me and my girlfriend at http://catvsowl.wordpress.com/.

For more information about Kristen Ford, check out her website www.kristenfordmusic.com.

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